(What to do when your 12–30 month old starts resisting bedtime)
You’ve done all the right things. Right wake windows, consistent bedtime, dinner, bath, cuddles, and the same wind-down routine you’ve always used. But suddenly, your toddler is wriggling, stalling, crying, or flat-out refusing to lie down.
And the hardest part? This is all new. They used to settle easily.
Sound familiar?
Bedtime resistance often kicks in during the young toddler stage, even if your baby was previously a great sleeper. If bedtime has started feeling harder lately, you’re not alone, and you’re not doing anything wrong.
Let’s talk about why your toddler might be resisting bedtime, and the simple tweaks that can help.
Why Does Bedtime Suddenly Become a Battle?
Between 12 months and 2.5 years, your toddler goes through enormous developmental changes. They’re discovering independence, testing boundaries, and craving connection, all while still needing a lot of support at the end of the day. They also develop persistence and stamina, which means they can push harder and hold on longer when they don’t want to go to bed.
Here are some of the most common reasons bedtime can suddenly start to unravel.
🧠 1. Developmental Leaps and Growing Independence
Your toddler has a mind of their own now, and bedtime isn’t always part of their plan. Around this age, they realise they can say "no," and they often do.
My son’s favourite first word was (and still is) "no." It’s really cute… until it’s not.
💔 2. Separation Anxiety Returns
Even if this faded after the baby stage, it’s normal for separation anxiety to resurface around 18 months. Wanting you close is completely developmentally appropriate, but tricky when you're trying to leave the room or encourage independent settling at bedtime.
Maybe you didn’t mind rocking a little baby to sleep, but now a big, heavy toddler is a literal pain in the back.
⏰ 3. They’re Overtired or Not Tired Enough
It’s so hard to tell at this age. They’ve got the stamina to look wide awake and interested in their surroundings, but if you let them go too long, you’ll hit a cortisol spike. It looks like they’ve got a second wind, but that spike actually makes sleep harder, not easier.
If they’ve outgrown their long nap, or if wake windows are too short or too long, bedtime can turn into a battle. The timing matters more than we often realise.
It pains me as a parent to say it, but holding onto a long nap for too long, as much as we crave that break, can lead to bedtime battles.
🔁 4. Inconsistency (Even Unintentional)
If you’ve started staying longer to help them settle, lying down beside them, or shifting the routine around, they’ll often keep asking for more, unsure of what to expect.
It’s developmentally normal for toddlers to test where the boundaries really lie. It’s their way of learning.
It Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing Bedtime “Wrong”
This stage is incredibly common. You’re not failing. Your toddler isn’t broken. And you don’t need to "sleep train" if that’s not something you want to do.
Plus, if you haven’t nailed all the things above, like routine timing, sleep environment, or separation support, sleep training likely won’t work well anyway. It’ll just leave everyone in tears and still stuck in the same bedtime drama.
And yep, I’ve been there too. I know how painful that is.
The good news is that a few small tweaks can make a big difference.
✨ I’ve created a free Bedtime Battles Checklist just for this age group. It’s designed to help you gently reduce resistance and bring back calmer nights.
📥 Click here to download the free Bedtime Battles checklist
What Can Help Right Now
Here’s a sneak peek at some of the strategies I cover in the checklist.
🕓 1. Get the Timing Right
This age is tricky. Some toddlers are dropping to one nap, others still need two. If naps run too late, or bedtime is too early or too late, the result is often the same: bedtime resistance.
Supporting their circadian rhythm with the right wake windows really matters here.
🤝 2. Offer Choices, Not Control
Let your toddler feel involved in the routine.
“Blue PJs or dinosaur ones?”
“Should we brush teeth first or put on PJs?”
Simple choices mean less power struggle, and everyone starts to actually look forward to bedtime.
⏳ 3. Keep the Routine Predictable and Calm
A simple, calm bedtime routine gives your toddler the cues they need to start winding down.
Same order. Same tone. Same finish.
Predictability brings security, which leads to fewer protests.
💬 4. Use Gentle Language for Separation
If your toddler struggles when you leave the room, use clear and reassuring language so they know what to expect.
“It’s bedtime now, and I’ll come back to check on you in a few minutes.”
“I’m just in the next room.”
“I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”
This works far better than sneaking away.
And yes, it’s okay to offer reassurance while still encouraging independent sleep.
What Not to Worry About (Yet)
At this age, reward charts and behavioural strategies usually aren’t helpful just yet. Young toddlers under 2.5 don’t fully grasp cause and effect, especially when the reward is delayed.
Right now, your best tools are:
Consistency
Predictability
Connection
Confidence in the boundaries you’re setting
Still Feeling Stuck?
If bedtime has turned into a full-blown drama, or if you’re caught in patterns like lying down in the room, rocking for ages, or needing to stay beside the cot, I can help.
My 1:1 Sleep Support Packages include a personalised sleep plan, strategies that fit your parenting style, and support through every step of the process. Lets make bedtime something you both genuinely look forward to at the end of the day.
💬 Book a support call or check out my 1:1 Sleep Support Options.
You’ve Got This
This stage won’t last forever, but the habits you build now can last well into the preschool years. Let’s make bedtime feel easier, calmer, and more connected again.
📥 Grab the free Bedtime Battles Checklist here
Dani x
Paediatric Nurse | Sleep Consultant | Mum of 2
Come follow along on Instagram @sleep.nurse.dani
